| HMV |
|
Comfydown Cottage Address witheld Carryduff
Dear HMV
My wife Gloria, I’m her husband, and I have been having an argument that’s been going on for a few years now. In fact its exactly 4 years 28 days 6 hours and 16 minutes since it started. So I’m hoping you can settle this once and for all and allow me to move back home from the greenhouse and back to relative normality.
You seeit’s all about that little dog that’s in your logo. Gloria is insistent that the original idea came about that in 1921 an advertising executive went to a circus that had amongst its acts ‘The Astonishing Trevvo and his Amazing Talking Dick’. I say circus, it was really more of a freak show. She says Dick was a 3-year-old Jack Russell and that he could do impressions of Trevvo. So good were they that they sounded exactly like ‘His Masters Voice’. This isn’t actually as remarkable as it may sound as Trevvo had been horrifically disfigured in a freak accident with an industrial vacuum cleaner and as a result ‘spoke’ very crudely using his rectum. So Dicks’ mimicking of ‘His Masters Voice’ gave him the idea for both your company name and its now infamous logo. Up to that point he was going to call it ‘Play.com’
This whole charade started when Gloria was going through a phase of boiling eggs in different solutions. None were in anyway successful, with the Harpic, Jeyes Fluid and Brasso being particular offensive. It was one day though she toed a combination of Fairy Liquid, Tippex and Marmite that this incident occurred. I was just outside re-baiting the mantrap when I heard her muffled cries and rushed to the kitchen. There she was, the room filled with suds and a green fog. I managed to get her to fresh air and the first thing she started talking about was about the dog from HMV.
Can you please, for the love of God tell her that this is purely a piece of delusional imagination and that the idea is actually based on the dog, Nipper, listening to the voce of his master reproduced on a phonograph. Despite this incident she hasn’t been put off her attempts at ‘cookery’, she is currently in the kitchen rustling up a pigeon, radish and geranium smoothie for her lunch and I’ve just sneaked in to do this letter. An early reply would be appreciated as I’m still living in the greenhouse and the greenfly are really playing havoc with my nether regions.
Yours sincerely
John J Marley |