Comfydown Cottage

Address Withheld

Carryduff

Belfast

16.05.2006

Dear Sir/Madam

This summer our holiday plans are to stay at home and support the local economy. We were thinking of staying at a couple of your hotels in Ireland.  Your group comes highly recommended- our friend Bertie Noames (from our clairvoyant group) said you’re very good, but I knew he’d say that.

However my wife Gloria (I’m her husband) has a bit of a problem. It involves her bedtime routine and the palaver we have to go through.  You see Gloria has a rare skin disease called Netherton Syndrome.  And so to the problem-  at night time Gloria sleeps in a large vat of water.  I just want to check your rooms have reinforced floors and will be large enough to take her tank. The tank is 8ft x 3ft 6 and 1 metre deep -that’s around 9,500 kilos. Assembly of the tank itself is no problem- if I can get in two days before our arrival I should get it built.  I’ve never had any erection problems before.  Having said that, we nearly went through the floor at The Dunadry but it’s an old building, well that’s what the Fire Brigade said anyway.

We hope to stay sometime during July or August so if you could let me know of any special arrangements you might require. By the way, the chemicals we need to add to the water are relatively safe to dispose of with the right protective clothing , but I can give you more details later.

Yours Faithfully

John J Marley