Comfydown Cottage

Address Withheld

Carryduff

Belfast

6/9/07

Dear Palmolive,

My wife Gloria (I’m her husband) and I were trying your Pomegranate and Mango soup the other day and were rather disappointed in its taste until we realised it wasn’t soup but soap.

 I went to have a shower to wash off the vomit and took your soap with me.  I had a delightful shower and while there I came up with some great ideas for new Palmolive ranges. 

The first is loosely connected with the whole putting food in soap thing, like your own Pomegranate & Mango soap.  Gloria is, let’s just say, an unusual cook and after a considerable time spent in the kitchen testing and retesting different concoctions she has come up with two new soaps- ‘Strawberry Jam and Pigeon’ (the feathers gently glide over your skin and we have a freezer full of pigeons if you’re interested) and ‘Home Heating Oil & Lemon’ (sounds strange but smells wonderful-try it!).  A word of warning though- the Strawberry Jam one shouldn’t be used in late summer when wasp numbers are at their peak as Mr Postleswaite (our butcher) now knows only too well and the oil based one shouldn’t be used in direct sunlight or while smoking or cooking or while using a mobile phone. I think a small disclaimer on the bottle should be enough though.

The other idea I had was in connection with your bars of soap. - I, like many others, gather all the small leftover bits of soap and squeeze them together to make another bar of soap.  This, however, led to a problem- you see Gloria is a hirsute lady - you would really need to see it to believe it.  The texture of the soap with her hair in it however is most invigorating when rubbed against the skin- it’s like an exfoliating loofah.  I have tried others’ hair but it seems only Gloria’s has the desired properties.  Fortunately I have been painstakingly saving all of Gloria’s hair for some time. It has just been returned from Norris McWhirter and is bagged and ready in the attic for your collection. 

So would you be interested?

Yours Sincerely,

John J Marley