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Comfydown Cottage Address Withheld Carryduff Belfast
2/8/2006 Dear Colonel Saunders
My wife Gloria and I (I’m her husband) were having a little picnic at the front of our City Hall the other day. Gloria had made some tantalising food and we were having a lovely time until a pigeon ‘shat’ in the middle of a bacon and banana quiche Gloria had made. Whilst Gloria was scraping it off my slice it came to me, there must be something useful we could do with the little critters. That’s when we thought of you.
You see you must spend a fortune on chicken going through tons of the stuff every day, while all along there are millions of these things flying around. I mean you go to posh restaurants and there it is on the menu, Breast of Pigeon on a bed of Puy Lentils and a Balsamic dressing or some such concoction.
Gloria has been trapping them out the back garden and has conjured up a recipe for a special coating especially for pigeon. Our chip pan hasn’t been off for a week now and the final result although not perfect is an ‘interesting’ meal. I’m sure you’d love to try, so we have a few freezers filled with her last two months catch if you’re interested.
We reckon if you got people out with bags of breadcrumbs and a big net you could catch loads of them. You could dress them like big pigeons with T shirts sporting the legend ’Colonels Catcher’. Imagine, all that food for free. Gloria is very into this sort of thing and has tried lots of other ‘free’ food. I know what you’re thinking, but starlings just are not worth the effort. By the time you pluck them there’s bugger all left.
We are quite sure you will look into this further and would love to know what you think of the idea. If you would like the recipe for Gloria’s special ‘coating’, it’s a blend of 43 commonly used herbs and spices, do let us know and we could come to some arrangement. She is working on some fast food ideas with squirrel and we feel confident a ‘McSquirrel’ Happy Meal is not too far away. Having said that if you want to get one step ahead of the opposition, again, I think we could do a deal.
Yours,
Finger Lickin’ John J Marley (not a Colonel)
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