| Mr Tony Blair |
Comfydown Cottag Address Withheld Carryduff Belfast
Dear Mr Blair,
My wife Gloria, I’m her husband, has suggested I write to you to clarify something that has been causing rows in our house for ages now. In fact I have been banished to the spare room since 21st March because of this. And the mattress in there is really uncomfortable. We tried to get a new one but due to its unusual dimensions a replacement seems unlikely. Anyway, I digress.
You see I think the country has stooped to a very low level when you are permitting the Police force to arrest people for saying what in my mind seem simple words. What I’m talking about is, when you see a report on the BBC (we never watch the ‘other side’), the reporters always say- so and so was arrested for shouting ‘racist abuse’ or ‘sectarian comment’ or even ‘political slogans’. To be honest Mr Blair they could be shouting a lot worse. Gloria says this is just a masquerade for much ruder words and they don’t actually say ‘precisely’ those words, but I’m not sure. If this is the case why don’t they just come out and tell people what someone said, say about John Prescott or whatever. Though it might be like the time they were building a by-pass near us. The construction company had a sign near our house with the legend ‘Heavy Plant Crossing’. I sat at the window in our good room for ages expecting to see some botanical freaks but all I saw was road building equipment. Gloria says I take things too literally but if Moira Stuart says they said it then it must be true.
Perhaps you could clear this up and reassure me that we are not becoming a ‘police state’ and that if I want to make a protest about stuff, a policeman won’t jump out and put me in prison. We are very serious about law and order in our country- Gloria has just handed over all our kitchen knives in your amnesty. She disguised herself as Mother Teresa, went down to the local police station and handed them in. As a result I have just spent the last ten minutes cutting some bread with a spoon, so can you tell me where I can get a license for a bread knife.
Yours sincerely
John J Marley
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