Comfydown Cottage

Address Withheld

Carryduff

Belfast

Dear Ms Summers

My wife Gloria and I ( I’m her husband) were just wondering if you would be interested in looking at a design we have for a new product that you may be interested in.

It’s still a little embryonic but we’re sure you’ll appreciate the possibilities. You see the idea came, if you’ll pardon the wording, whilst Gloria was trimming her bush the other day. You see she is a very keen gardener and loves to keep her bush just so. She was in a bit of a rush so decided to use an old petrol driven trimmer that was in the shed. It is a strange device I bought some years ago at auction, the description in the catalogue described it as being ‘A Norwegian Foresters loin gripped trimmer’. You see there is a strange frame that cradles around the groin area and then over the neck holding the trimmer quite firmly.

After using this Gloria was quite flushed. Flushed in a way I hadn’t seen since Oct 17th 1975, a date etched on my mind and the last time we were able to shop in Boots the Chemist.

I asked her was she alright and her dazed, shaken response assured me she was more than fine. Since then she has been using the device two or three times a day and our petrol bill has gone through the roof. During the first few times she used it she managed to shred the living room curtains and cut one of our easy chairs in half. At this point I started ‘developing’ the concept. I have now removed the blades for obvious safety concerns. I have also padded the groin support and attached two cables with nipple clamps to the exhaust manifold so as it not only gives a nice buzz but after an hour or two of use heats up giving a pleasurable warmth.

The device has a few drawbacks mainly from the smoke and fumes although these can be reduced by opening all the windows in the house. Mind you Gloria’s inhibitions seem to have gone out the window too, still I guess that’s the idea. I reckon you could sell this for around £239.95 giving your popular Rabid Rabbit a run for its money.

Your Sincerely,

John J Marley

ANN SUMMERS REPLY